Reflections on my grandmother

Unfortunately my grandma passed away a few weeks ago. It was a shock to the family, and no one is really taking it well. She was my last living grandparent and the only one to see me reach almost every single milestone (graduating from high school, college, getting a first job, getting a better job, buying my first car). The only things she won't get to see is me getting married, having children or graduating with a master's. On the program I gave reflections as a grandchild. Though I spoke from the heart, there was actually a written draft which appears below:

True Confessions of a Goody Two-Shoes

Goody two-shoes was a nickname that followed me around for years as a child. But sometimes I wonder if the sobriquet was truly earned. It's not like I really had to work hard at it. Maybe I would feel a little better if my life was more like an after school special, or at the very least a D.A.R.E. (Drug Abuse Resistance Education) scenario.

Back to School Pressures

Family members have been urging me to go back to school for a master’s degree since the day I graduated with a bachelor’s. It’s starting to get annoying. Whenever I mention an upcoming trip they find a way to turn the conversation to the fact that I could be using that money for school. Perhaps I could if it was a priority for me.

the call

One thing very important to me is my relationship with the Lord. Quite naturally I don’t take too kindly when someone mocks it. Such was the case the other day with a gentleman caller. I met him last Friday and a gas station. He was polite in his approach, so I gave him my number. Mistake one. Everyone who asks for your number doesn’t deserve it. Unfortunately I said in 2014 I would be less discriminating when it came to males. I graced him with the digits; despite the fact I could already tell he wasn’t my type. Sure he was attractive and didn’t sound like an idiot when speaking, but I still had the feeling I didn’t want to be bothered. I didn’t listen to that feeling. Mistake two.

Goodbye Green Machine



What the Green Machine looked like in its glory days.

The Green Machine is no more. It fought the good fight and finished its course. My beloved first car has gone on to the great car lot in the sky. Contrary to its appearance and lack of maintenance I did indeed love the Green Machine. How could I not love it? It was my favorite color, kept on chugging along with nary a complaint and got me from point A to point B. I can fondly tell you about every single dent, scratch or spray painted spot on that car.

The Gift

Why ask for something you'll never use?

Not so many years ago I was a poor, recent college grad. It was all I could do not to sell plasma. OK maybe I wasn't in such dire straits, but I was far from making millions. Regardless of my financial status, or lack thereof, I always tried to make sure that family and friends received decent Christmas gifts.

What's my age again?

Can someone please remind me of my age? I can’t seem to make it stick in my mind, and it’s starting to affect my goal setting.

No. 1 goal, finish my list.

How's my driving

Friends don't let me drive.

Riding with me while I’m driving will definitely make you feel closer to God. And it’s not just because I keep two Bibles in the car. I’m a horrible driver. Perhaps the world’s worse driver. There’s just no better way to put it.

Artsy Fartsy

There is not an artistic bone in my body. Sure I can string a few words together for a decent sentence or two, but I'm not the creative type who enjoys arts and crafts. Yet for some reason I keep wanting to take on art projects to demonstrate my proficiency, or should I say lack of, in in the craft world.  I blame Pinterest. It's a smorgasbord of DIY projects, crafts and so on. I always feel empowered that I too can make a hair flower, decorative wall hanging or some other random project.

Play pimpin' ain't pimpin'

There are many types of people who irk me. I blame my irritable personality syndrome. But perhaps one type that really gets to me is a play pimp. A play pimp to me is anyone who is flaky, gives a lot of lip service but no action, has a bark but no bite and so forth.

That girl is poisoned

The Death Angel is after me again, and this time he’s using my eyesight against me. Sometimes I wonder if bats might have better eyesight than me. I’ve been known to walk into a mic or door a time or two. But usually my bad eyesight has never seriously impacted my health – until I woke up this morning.

Death of a Family

I bet they would go bowling!

My family is DEAD to me! Well some of my paternal cousins are at least. My brother is the only person who loves me (in addition to my parents, granny, aunts and uncles).

Tell me your name

Is it bad I don’t know anyone’s name at church? I’ve been a member since January but still couldn’t tell you the names of half the people who attend. OK to be fair, there are quite a few people I do know, such as the youth, those who serve on the same ministries as me and several others. But that’s maybe 50 people. Hundreds attend the church. I always have to ask, “Who is that?” when someone mentions a name. There is only one possible solution to help my dilemma: name tags!

the family rant

I love my family. I really do. But sometimes they drive me insane. This is not limited to just my parents and brother. Other family members irk me too, particularly some of my cousins. It's not like they do anything major to annoy me. Unfortunately my irritable personality syndrome magnifies the little things.

PK Q&A

Usually when I see a Facebook question I don’t respond with my two cents. I’ll observe without getting involved. But the other day I had to give my input when I saw this post from someone who attends my dad’s church:

Romantic writings

Use your imagination to come up with a title for this photo.

My name is Toni, and I read romance novels. For years I used to shun this genre of books. Sure I’ve read books that included some romance in the plot, but it definitely wasn’t the central focus of the storyline. My reading lists contained mysteries, random works of fiction or paranormal books. I left the romance novels to my friend, Cee.

Party Planning Woes Part VII

Of course that meeting with Mya didn't happen. It was completely my fault. I ignored her calls from Thursday until Sunday night. I did half-heartedly call on Saturday, but she didn't answer, and I hung up without leaving a message. I was actually busy most of that weekend which is why I missed a few of the calls. But honestly I just didn’t want to talk to her. I avoid confrontation at all costs (which is a post for another day) As a result Mya sort of told me off via text message. I didn’t really read the messages because I knew she was hurt and upset. This was the first major disagreement we’ve had in our 28 years of knowing each other.

Party Planning Woes Part VI

Mya: Like I really want everyone I invited to come and participate. I really want everyone to get along point blank period. I know you’ve been salty with the entire planning and aggravated with everyone but don’t let it show. I feel both of you guys could have been a little nicer to one another. But it is what it is.

Party Planning Woes Part V

The next morning Mya and I had the following text conversation:

Mya: I woke up to screenshots of your conversation with Lynn.

Me: OK. Personally I feel like $150 is not asking for too much. She knew it would have been at least that much from initial planning. And to have the audacity to call me rude and unprofessional! If that ain’t the pot! We were supposed to plan this together and she went ghost for several months despite repeated attempts to contact her. I am not the one for her to try.

Party Planning Woes Part IV

Lynn: You having an attitude and being short is rude and unprofessional. I’m trying to speak to you and ask you questions and resolve issues. If you’re having a bad day say so but please don’t give off the impression that what Mya’s friends think, need and want as it relates to the biggest day of Mya’s life is miniscule to you.