the silent game

Last weekend I attended an improv show in Jax with a new friend. She rode with me to the show, but her fiancé was picking her up later. Not long after it ended, the fiancé was on his way. The show was in the downtown area, and somehow he got lost. Considering the roads and layouts of downtown, that’s not too hard to do.

Give Dad his due

Is it just me or do good dads not really seem to get the love and respect they deserve on Father’s Day? Take for instance the cards available for the occasion. Father’s Day cards are a joke compared to Mother’s Day. Most seem to be filled with back-handed compliments, undercover insults or are just plain rude. Fathers are often portrayed as lazy, henpecked or worse in those cards. If I see one more card saying, “Dad here’s your day to do absolutely nothing and not get in trouble with Mom!” I am going to call Hallmark and give them a piece of my mind.

It’s feeding time

Public breastfeeding incidents have been in the news several times over the last few months with some sparking quite a bit of controversy. There was the professor who breastfed while teaching her class and received a reprimand. Beyonce fed Blue Ivy while out at lunch one day. Another story showcased military mothers breastfeeding in uniform. And who can forget the Time Magazine cover story featuring a 3-year-old being breastfed? Just the other day I read an article about three mothers who staged a “nurse-in” at their Delaware mall to spread awareness about a woman’s right to nurse in public. They were asked to leave by a state trooper and security guards.

Love, marriage and a baby carriage

Is there something in the water? Everyone seems to either be a) getting engaged, b) getting married or c) having a baby. I can't log on Facebook without seeing an announcement about a friend joining one of those categories. It's enough to drive a single girl crazy, and I am not liking that at all.

baby it's cold outside

Sometimes I forget which season is the current one we're in at the moment. Blame it on Florida weather. The weather ranges from hot to really hot. Occasionally we try to throw in something else called less hot. When it's "less hot," natives know to dress in layers for it will indeed be "cold" in the morning, but by noon the temperature will rise to 75 degrees again. That wool coat will be overkill come lunchtime when you are sweating like a pig. At least that was the case last week.

when bridezillas attack

I have a confession. I am addicted to watching Bridezillas. I blame my roommate K. She is always watching it on Netflix, and being the nosy person that I am, I have to watch it too. The chicks are CRAZY. And not in a good way. These women are demanding, rude, inconsiderate and just plain evil. It sort of makes you dread every being a part of a wedding.

Coming soon: New American



For voters who've considered suicide when the election is too much.

 It looks like the South wants to rise again (because we all know how well that turned out the last time). There could be a “New America” in the future. The other day I was talking to my Play Cousin about the people that want to secede from the U.S. Residents across the nation have signed petitions requesting that their state – mainly Louisiana, Alabama, Tennessee, Georgia, Texas and yes even my Florida – be allowed to peacefully secede from the country because of the presidential election. PC and I can find foolishness to talk about even with the most serious of topics (much like Cee and I did during election night). We began to ponder many things if the people were allowed to secede.

children on strike

What's a living wage for a child these days?

Parents beware! Your children might go on strike if you don’t pay them enough for doing chores. Several weeks ago I read a Dear Abby column regarding allowance pay. The writer said she received $3 a week to do household chores such as taking out the garbage, washing dishes, vacuuming and setting the table every night. The child felt her pay was too little for all she did. She was tired of being her mother’s “slave” and declared herself on strike until the pay increased. At that point I had to put the paper down.

Final election thoughts

An interesting exchange happened between an 8-year-old girl and me today.  While sitting next to me (and working my nerves) during a luncheon, she asked who I voted for.

"That's a personal issue, and I don't share how I voted," I said.

"It better not be Obama," she said. "He's a liar. Did you  vote for him?"

"Like I said, it's personal, and I'm not sharing."

X marks the spot

Who can still write like this?

Apparently writing in cursive is starting to be a lost art. Do the children even know what cursive is anymore? The other day one of my students was signing a form, and I had to say, "What is that?" when I saw her signature. It wasn't like a doctor's signature, which is usually unreadable. Instead it looked like a first grader's attempt at writing in cursive. My best friend, who is a teacher, says students aren't taught penmanship anymore. Then what are they teaching the children? Testing?

Appreciation week

OK boys and girls, let’s all play the imagination game. Everyone close your eyes and prepare for a few mental images. First imagine a world without teachers. Ignorance is the norm as students walk around with empty minds. Next imagine a world with no nurses. Patients have no one to provide constant day-to-day care or an understanding of their ailment. Finally imagine a world without police officers. Citizens have to survive in an unsafe environment where lawlessness reigns supreme. Did anyone like those situations described? Absolutely not!

The month of May is filled with appreciation for several groups of important people. May 6-12 marks Teacher Appreciation and Nurse Appreciation Week, followed by National Police Week May 13-19. In honor of these three groups of wonderful workers here are stories of a few of my favorite individuals.

what i've learned

In just two days I will be celebrating another birthday. Yay for me! Thirty is right around the corner, but I still have a couple of years before reaching that milestone. Esquire Magazine features interviews with celebrities about what they’ve learned. In similar fashion I present to you, in no particular order, the 27 things I’ve learned since being born.

Let Thanksgiving Shine

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. And no, I’m not talking about the approaching Christmas season. My favorite holiday, Thanksgiving, is coming! Thanksgiving combines several great elements, food, family and more food. Don’t get me wrong, I love Sweet Baby Jesus and Christmas, but the holiday has become too stressful and commercialized. I have too many people on the gifts list. I’m going to suggest that we all only buy one family member a gift and let everyone know we’re donating gifts to those less fortunate. But I digress.

Top news

Clearly it must be the end times because so much crazy stuff is happening in the world today. I spend a good portion of my time keeping up with the latest news. I might not work at a newspaper anymore but please believe I’m still a newshound. Unless you’ve been living under a rock you’ve heard about The Penn State Scandal, Occupy Wall Street; all that is Herman Cain and Kim Khardasian’s short lived marriage. Here are my thoughts on these big major news events:

Protocol confusion

Dating protocol – What is it? Is a manual nearby? At 26 years old I still don’t know a thing about dating protocol. This is partially why I don’t date. When I think about all the ends and outs or dos and don’ts, I get annoyed. I just can’t be bothered. Who has time to determine who calls whom first, or what is the appropriate waiting time to call someone after getting their number? I refuse to look needy after getting someone’s number. But I always don’t want to have him forget about me if I take too long to call. As a matter of fact who is supposed to ask for the number first?

Treat yourself

One of my favorite shows right now is “Parks and Recreation.” Amid the wacky interactions between the characters are little life lessons in each episode. At least that’s what I thought after seeing the episode “Pawnee Rangers.”

A subplot for the episode detailed how two characters, Tom Haverford and Donna Meagle, have an annual “Treat Yourself” day. The day is filled with much needed pampering and shopping. Items bought can be something frivolous because as they both pointed out, “Treat yourself.” For this year’s day they brought along a friend, Ben Wyatt. He was confused about the “Treat Yourself” philosophy. He didn’t enjoy the spa treatment and initially only bought a big pack of socks.

Bye Bye Birdie

Mama Bird is not happy to see her baby leave.

A child-free home is a source of depression for some parents. Such was not the case for several featured in an Associated Press article entitled, “Empty nest? Not all parents are sad about it.” The writer interviewed several parents who were ecstatic their children were leaving home. They shared plans of traveling overseas, starting new projects and just enjoying life without children. I’m surprised I didn’t see my parents’ names in the article.

A hand to hand exchange

There is no escaping a handshake in society, but that doesn’t mean it should be executed any old way. It can’t be too soft or too hard. Ideally a handshake should be firm – a happy medium between the two extremes. Personally, I’m not a fan of the practice. Some people don’t wash their hands while others have open cuts and sores. Yet, they will gladly stick out a hand for you to shake. No. Thank. You. This is why I keep hand sanitizer with me at all times. However, I often have to bite the bullet and offer my hand. My only request is if you’re going to shake my hand, make sure it’s done right.

I abhor the “almost dead fish” handshake. You know what I mean – an overly weak handshake that feels like the person is barely alive. Perhaps if the fish was dead it would feel better because of the stiffness from rigor mortis. Shaking hands with an almost dead fish feels disgusting. The main culprit of this handshake is men, at least for me. Several peers and I actually had a discussion about this handshake. The view was men don’t want to hurt a woman with a strong shake. Well simply shake it firmly. Just because I am a woman I will not break. I promise.

On the flip side I hate the “bone crusher” handshake. It’s happened several times where someone shook my hand so hard until my knuckles cracked. The sound came out very loud and clear for both of us to hear. I should not need a cast after a handshake. It’s a handshake, not a test to pull the sword out of the stone. Perhaps my biggest complaint is the “barely there” handshake. It makes me think the person doesn’t want to touch me. Then I start to feel bad. Why isn’t my hand good enough to shake? I should not leave a handshake with lowered self-esteem because the person doesn’t know how to handle the exchange properly.

A firm handshake is truly one size fits all. It doesn’t matter if you have the strength of Popeye or the frailty of Olive Oyl. Keep that in mind and people everywhere will clamor to touch you. Then again they probably have germs. I think I might just start curtseying instead. No touching required.

Exhibit A: A firm handshake

a natural pat down

Going natural is perhaps one of the best decisions I have ever made for my hair. I love the texture and feel of it and enjoy experimenting with new styles. What I don’t love is people touching my hair without permission. I also wouldn’t be too keen on having it touched by the Transportation Security Administration. I came across an article on the New York Times website about a woman, Timery Nance, who said a T.S.A. officer patted down her hair even though she already went through the body scan.

According to the article:
She asked the screener why her hair was searched while others, including white women with ponytails or bushy hair, were simply waved through. “Is it just African-American women with natural hair who get the hair search?” she asked.
The screener said no, “but if you have certain kinds of ponytail or bun, you have to get your hair patted,” said Ms. Nance, who is 30.

The writer of the article also mentioned a second pat down incident:
On June 30, a young African-American woman, Laura Adiele, said that a screener at the Seattle-Tacoma airport insisted on patting down her hair, which was also natural and curly, even though the body scan had not set off an alarm. Ms. Adiele said in various interviews that she thought the search had been racially motivated.
The T.S.A. denies that. “All passengers are thoroughly screened coming through the screening checkpoint,” said Kristin Lee, a spokeswoman. “Additional screening may be required for clothing, headgear or hair where prohibited items may be hidden,” she said.

Safety is always important when flying, and I understand T.S.A. has a job to do, but I’m not quite sure how I would respond to a request for a hair pat down. Half the time my flights are extra early, so I’m already grumpy. Also I don’t wear a true afro very often, but you might catch my hair in a twist-out. However, with either style my hair is not that big or bushy to hide anything in it (other than a Bobby pin). Any screener would calmly get told no if they tried to pat down my hair. I can picture the headlines now: Florida woman arrested for refusing airport screening. On second thought, I’m even less a fan of ending up in the slammer with Big Shirley. So pat away T.S.A. Just know there will be a chronicle about it later.

The fictionalized truth

One of the top books on my summer reading list is “The Help” by Kathryn Stockett. I’ve been anxiously waiting to read the book since it came out. Unfortunately it’s so popular the library never has a copy available. Guess I’ll just see the movie adaption for now.

“The Help” opened today and stars Emma Stone (one of my favorite actresses), Viola Davis, Octavia Spencer and many others. The best-selling book is supposed to be a work of fiction and not based on any actual person, but a lawsuit says otherwise.

One day I'll get to read the book.

Ablene Cooper claims her name and likeness was used without permission as the basis of one of the main characters, Aibileen, in the book and movie. Cooper is the maid for Stockett’s brother and filed a lawsuit in February against the author asking for $75,000. Stockett’s lawyers want the lawsuit dismissed, and a hearing is set for Aug. 16.

According to an Associated Press article:

Stockett's refusal to admit that she based the character on Cooper's likeness "is so outrageous in character, and so extreme as to go beyond all bounds of human decency, and is utterly intolerable in a civilized community," says the lawsuit, which represents one side of a legal argument.
The lawsuit quotes passages from the book, including one in which Aibileen's character describes a cockroach: "He black. Blacker than me."
The lawsuit said Cooper found it upsetting and highly offensive to be portrayed as someone "who uses this kind of language and compares her skin color to a cockroach."
Among alleged similarities between Cooper and the character, Cooper said she lost a son shortly before going to work for Stockett's brother, where she takes care of two children, a boy and a girl. Cooper's lawsuit said that's the same as the character portrayed in the book.

Books usually have the disclaimer “Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead is entirely coincidental.” Still many writers get their inspiration from something or someone real. In my journalism classes we always learned “Truth is better than fiction.” Stockett very well could have been inspired to base Aibileen on Cooper. But she probably also took inspiration from other people. After all, she grew up with a maid in the house.

Perhaps it would have been wiser for Stockett to get a little more creative with the book’s details and distort the character enough so it was a composite of all her influences. That could have saved a lawsuit. Please believe if someone used my name and likeness without permission, I’m suing for at least a cool million. Hopefully the two parties will reach an agreement. Either way, I’m looking forward to reading the book and seeing the movie.