The Gift

Why ask for something you'll never use?

Not so many years ago I was a poor, recent college grad. It was all I could do not to sell plasma. OK maybe I wasn't in such dire straits, but I was far from making millions. Regardless of my financial status, or lack thereof, I always tried to make sure that family and friends received decent Christmas gifts.

What's my age again?

Can someone please remind me of my age? I can’t seem to make it stick in my mind, and it’s starting to affect my goal setting.

No. 1 goal, finish my list.

How's my driving

Friends don't let me drive.

Riding with me while I’m driving will definitely make you feel closer to God. And it’s not just because I keep two Bibles in the car. I’m a horrible driver. Perhaps the world’s worse driver. There’s just no better way to put it.

Artsy Fartsy

There is not an artistic bone in my body. Sure I can string a few words together for a decent sentence or two, but I'm not the creative type who enjoys arts and crafts. Yet for some reason I keep wanting to take on art projects to demonstrate my proficiency, or should I say lack of, in in the craft world.  I blame Pinterest. It's a smorgasbord of DIY projects, crafts and so on. I always feel empowered that I too can make a hair flower, decorative wall hanging or some other random project.

Play pimpin' ain't pimpin'

There are many types of people who irk me. I blame my irritable personality syndrome. But perhaps one type that really gets to me is a play pimp. A play pimp to me is anyone who is flaky, gives a lot of lip service but no action, has a bark but no bite and so forth.

That girl is poisoned

The Death Angel is after me again, and this time he’s using my eyesight against me. Sometimes I wonder if bats might have better eyesight than me. I’ve been known to walk into a mic or door a time or two. But usually my bad eyesight has never seriously impacted my health – until I woke up this morning.

Death of a Family

I bet they would go bowling!

My family is DEAD to me! Well some of my paternal cousins are at least. My brother is the only person who loves me (in addition to my parents, granny, aunts and uncles).

Tell me your name

Is it bad I don’t know anyone’s name at church? I’ve been a member since January but still couldn’t tell you the names of half the people who attend. OK to be fair, there are quite a few people I do know, such as the youth, those who serve on the same ministries as me and several others. But that’s maybe 50 people. Hundreds attend the church. I always have to ask, “Who is that?” when someone mentions a name. There is only one possible solution to help my dilemma: name tags!

the family rant

I love my family. I really do. But sometimes they drive me insane. This is not limited to just my parents and brother. Other family members irk me too, particularly some of my cousins. It's not like they do anything major to annoy me. Unfortunately my irritable personality syndrome magnifies the little things.

PK Q&A

Usually when I see a Facebook question I don’t respond with my two cents. I’ll observe without getting involved. But the other day I had to give my input when I saw this post from someone who attends my dad’s church:

Romantic writings

Use your imagination to come up with a title for this photo.

My name is Toni, and I read romance novels. For years I used to shun this genre of books. Sure I’ve read books that included some romance in the plot, but it definitely wasn’t the central focus of the storyline. My reading lists contained mysteries, random works of fiction or paranormal books. I left the romance novels to my friend, Cee.

Party Planning Woes Part VII

Of course that meeting with Mya didn't happen. It was completely my fault. I ignored her calls from Thursday until Sunday night. I did half-heartedly call on Saturday, but she didn't answer, and I hung up without leaving a message. I was actually busy most of that weekend which is why I missed a few of the calls. But honestly I just didn’t want to talk to her. I avoid confrontation at all costs (which is a post for another day) As a result Mya sort of told me off via text message. I didn’t really read the messages because I knew she was hurt and upset. This was the first major disagreement we’ve had in our 28 years of knowing each other.

Party Planning Woes Part VI

Mya: Like I really want everyone I invited to come and participate. I really want everyone to get along point blank period. I know you’ve been salty with the entire planning and aggravated with everyone but don’t let it show. I feel both of you guys could have been a little nicer to one another. But it is what it is.

Party Planning Woes Part V

The next morning Mya and I had the following text conversation:

Mya: I woke up to screenshots of your conversation with Lynn.

Me: OK. Personally I feel like $150 is not asking for too much. She knew it would have been at least that much from initial planning. And to have the audacity to call me rude and unprofessional! If that ain’t the pot! We were supposed to plan this together and she went ghost for several months despite repeated attempts to contact her. I am not the one for her to try.

Party Planning Woes Part IV

Lynn: You having an attitude and being short is rude and unprofessional. I’m trying to speak to you and ask you questions and resolve issues. If you’re having a bad day say so but please don’t give off the impression that what Mya’s friends think, need and want as it relates to the biggest day of Mya’s life is miniscule to you.

Party Planning Woes Part III

What follows next is our text conversation (with my thoughts):

Lynn: Hey Hun I am so sorry about being out of touch. I have seriously been beyond busy with work and everything. It’s not an excuse but if we can text that wil …(at this point the message is cut off). I haven’t received an e-mail from you so can you brief me on everything via text?

Cry me a river about being busy with work. I’m busy too but I didn’t just go ghost. And yes you didn’t receive an e-mail because when I asked all the bridal party to send their addresses, you neglected to do that as well.

Party Planning Woes Part II

Unfortunately I ended one problem only to be faced with countless others. Perhaps I should have listened to Lynn and reduced the cost. Most of the bridal party told Mya they weren’t going because the price was too expensive if it wasn’t all inclusive. Mya even told me she wouldn’t pay that much for a trip and that my other friends and I have expensive taste.

Party Planning Woes Part I

Writing is therapeutic for me. I might seriously maim someone if I didn’t write out my feelings in a journal or on a blog (which I use to chronicle things that are just too long to write by hand). I present a series on my biggest stressor right now – planning a bachelorette party!

If someone would have told me beforehand that planning a bachelorette party was going to be a massive headache, I might have gracefully bowed out of the position.

My oldest friend (we go back to the crib literally) declared me the Maid of Honor for her wedding taking place in November. Her sister is Matron of Honor and is planning the bridal shower. My job is the bachelorette party. For some reason I thought it would be a piece of cake.

Naked hour

My kind of t-shirt!

I like being naked. Really. Like. It. As a result I have implemented a daily naked hour. Each day I strip down and lay in the bed. It’s refreshing and gets me energized.


It began one particularly hot afternoon when I came home from work and announced, “I need to lay down and be naked for at least one hour.” Living in Florida means it’s hot 90 percent of the time. That in turn means I’m always sweaty and irritable. Couple that with wearing a bra (a torture device for women), and you have one unhappy camper. Naked hour lets me get my nerves together and allows me to cool off in body and mind.

The Principles of Envelope Addressing

Follow this guideline for envelopes.

Students don’t seem to know how to write letters, much less address an envelope, these days. I am on a crusade to make sure that changes. An interesting exchange with a student sparked my motivation for this cause. The way he addressed an envelope left me flabbergasted. The middle was left blank and he placed the address of the recipient in the upper left-hand corner.

the PK plight

Sometimes I feel like people assume because my dad is a pastor they can just recruit me for all things church related without advanced notice, proper preparation or training. They think I know how to do most things church-related. Sure I grew up in the church, but I wasn’t really involved in all the behind the scenes inner workings. I joined a church in January, and since then they have had me doing this that and the other.

the silent game

Last weekend I attended an improv show in Jax with a new friend. She rode with me to the show, but her fiancé was picking her up later. Not long after it ended, the fiancé was on his way. The show was in the downtown area, and somehow he got lost. Considering the roads and layouts of downtown, that’s not too hard to do.

The problem with preschoolers



Preschoolers = the Kindergarteners from Recess.

 It takes a special person to teach children, especially preschoolers. That person is NOT me.

I was recruited to assist with the preschool class at Vacation Bible School last week. I work with the youth ministry at church and even help out in Sunday School with the primary class when needed. A Vacation Bible School class would be easy. Or so I thought.

Give Dad his due

Is it just me or do good dads not really seem to get the love and respect they deserve on Father’s Day? Take for instance the cards available for the occasion. Father’s Day cards are a joke compared to Mother’s Day. Most seem to be filled with back-handed compliments, undercover insults or are just plain rude. Fathers are often portrayed as lazy, henpecked or worse in those cards. If I see one more card saying, “Dad here’s your day to do absolutely nothing and not get in trouble with Mom!” I am going to call Hallmark and give them a piece of my mind.

The definitive reunion

“Reunited and it feels so good!” Peaches and Herb were on to something with that song. It does indeed feel good to be reunited as I discovered during my class reunion last week.

reunion worries

My high school senior shirt.

Suddenly ten years don’t seem quite that long. In just two days I’m attending my first class reunion. Can you believe it? The days have gone by too quickly. It feels like just yesterday I was walking the halls of high school (actually I was because my job involves working with students, but you catch my drift). 

Business hours

Sometimes a dating woman needs business hours.

Gentlemen callers used to be a little more respectful of when they called a lady. A phone call after 12 a.m. was a definite no-no (unless you were a booty call at which point respect is not a factor). Unfortunately, I’ve started to notice that guys are calling later and later and thinking it’s OK. Newsflash fellas: IT’S NOT! For that very reason a dating woman needs business hours for male callers.

Better, not bitter

Back in my dating prime I didn't take break-ups, disappearing acts or ending "friendships" too well. One minute you're all sprung, infatuated or in “like” with a person. The next they're saying you're unable to reciprocate what you expect in return or are too goofy for them. Even worse they might just disappear from the face of the Earth without even a messenger pigeon.

the letter

Dear Wesley,
Where's my letter?
Signed your friend,
Toni

Letter writing seems to be a dying art form these days. Facebook, Twitter and e-mail have done away with sending messages, except for the occasional Christmas card. Randomly I send letters or cards to folks whenever the mood strikes (usually at Easter and during the summer). In most cases, people either write me back or at least acknowledge receiving the correspondence. Such was not the case with a certain celebrity.

Green-I-am

Would you like green eggs and ham?

Green Eggs and Ham always was hilarious to me. Sam-I-am was just so persistent about getting the other character to eat the dish. The story was a good example of how we should be open to trying new things. Not to long ago I had my own green eggs and ham experience.

Hymnology 101

The leader always has this handy when lining a hymn.

Growing up a preacher’s child exposed me to a lot of church traditions throughout my childhood, such as hymn lining. Unfortunately future generations might miss out on it. A few months ago I watched a video about hymn lining becoming a disappearing tradition. Hymn lining is a form of call and response and dates back to slavery times within the black church. Typically a leader sings, or lines, the verses of a hymn in a suggested tune and the congregation repeats in kind. The leader chooses from a variety of meters to line the hymn to, such as common, short and long. Thus lined hymns might be sung in a different tune from how one normally hears it.

the pat down

Nothing to hide here

This time last week I was preparing to head to merrye olde England and gay Paree! Thursday at the butt crack of dawn (also known as 5:30 a.m.) I got up to shampoo and style my hair before we left. I knew we would be constantly on the go during the trip and didn’t want my hair to be a major concern. Also I didn’t want to give TSA a reason to pat down my hair. I’ve read horror stories about the experience. If celebrities have to go through pat downs, what hope would there be for me? Two-strand twists simply hanging down seemed like the best option to combat both problems. So I mixed up some curl-leeper (my fave product) and shea butter and twisted away. Typically twists are how I wear my hair during domestic travels. I never had a problem. Until this trip.

Bad children beware

Children are among my least favorite people. Actually, let me rephrase. BAD children are among my least favorite people. Too often I find myself surrounded by them. Many parents don't seem to think raising well-mannered children is a priority. Instead they let them run around like little heathens. Civilized society should not be forced to deal with their spawns of Satan. Perhaps that's why I was so sympathetic to the Dollar General employee who dispensed some old fashion discipline to a BAD child.

I'm a survivor

The roomie and I had a Scream marathon a few days ago. Between my screams every time Ghostface jumped out and ignored yells saying, “Call 9-1-1,” we discussed our survival plan for a similar situation. You’ve got to have a plan these days for everything. I’m still assembling my zombie apocalypse plan, but the one for a small town serial killer is ready to go and completely fool proof. We won’t be dying because of Ghostface anytime soon. Of course we initially wondered if I would make it to the end because the black person ALWAYS dies in horror movies/thrillers. Or do they? In recent years we’ve actually survived. Based on the movies I’ve seen, here are some of the actors who lived to fight another day:

Time to go: Part 2

Bad attitudes don't help bad situations. The assistant editor was thrown into a bad situation but part of the problem was his personality. He was a deplorable person, which he admitted. He once called a meeting with three of us reporters to say we are the worse staff members ever. Morale had already been low, and he made it worse by insinuating we all were about to be fired (did I mention this was on my birthday). Yet when you asked for specific details of what we did wrong he couldn’t pinpoint them (sounds familiar). Ultimately the assistant editor was the one let go, and a new editor came in. Finally I would have the leadership, consistency and training I craved. Or so I thought. I was wrong. I thought things would change, and they did in some areas, but they stayed the same in too many others.

the silver fox

She found her first gray hair too!

Somebody grab a bottle of Clairol ASAP! The gray is coming! Yes, yours truly found her first gray hair on Saturday. There had been a series of false alarms (mainly because a certain white cat is always in my bed which leads to white fur always in my hair), but this time it is official. My dad went gray in his early 30s and I have several other cousins who got silver locs at a young age. It wasn't much of a surprise that I've found gray already.

Time to go: Part 1

Most people ask if I left the news industry because I didn’t like being a reporter. I loved it. By no means was I a world class journalist. Sure I was a good reporter, but I wasn’t GREAT. Still I loved being a reporter. Yes, there was little pay, late hours and no appreciation, but that didn’t outweigh my love of writing, meeting new people and telling their story and just being out and about. The real reason I left was because I was scared of one day hating it.

what i want to be

I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up anymore. Maybe I never really had it figured out. That thought kind of scares me. Everyone always pointed to me as the person who had a definite career plan. The one thing I’ve always been gung-ho about is being a reporter. I wrote for my middle school and high school newspapers. I interned at newspapers during high school and college. And of course I worked as a reporter for several years post-college. But now I don’t.

word problems

Everything is better with friends.

I have a confession to make: I suck at word games. Yes, it is a sad but true fact. My word game skills are severely lacking, despite being a spelling bee champion, avid reader and former wordsmith. Scrabble is never a board game you will hear me suggest playing. The Upwords game I had as a child was enjoyed by all of my family members, except me. The knowledge of my poor word game skills should make me stay away from all of them, right? Wrong.

It’s feeding time

Public breastfeeding incidents have been in the news several times over the last few months with some sparking quite a bit of controversy. There was the professor who breastfed while teaching her class and received a reprimand. Beyonce fed Blue Ivy while out at lunch one day. Another story showcased military mothers breastfeeding in uniform. And who can forget the Time Magazine cover story featuring a 3-year-old being breastfed? Just the other day I read an article about three mothers who staged a “nurse-in” at their Delaware mall to spread awareness about a woman’s right to nurse in public. They were asked to leave by a state trooper and security guards.

this, that and the other

The other night I was perusing "Stuff Christians Like" by Jon Acuff and had a laugh fest for a good hour. It got me to thinking several question about this, that and the other regarding church and Christian life, such as:

the professional mourner

All these years I’ve been wasting my talents. I’ve officially found my niche in life – a professional mourner. You have the funeral, and I’ll bring the tears. To think I’ve missed out on this particular career path for so long.

Love, marriage and a baby carriage

Is there something in the water? Everyone seems to either be a) getting engaged, b) getting married or c) having a baby. I can't log on Facebook without seeing an announcement about a friend joining one of those categories. It's enough to drive a single girl crazy, and I am not liking that at all.

Can you testify?

It's a new year which means Writing Wednesday is back in full effect. I promise to do so much better than last year which featured numerous bouts of disappearing (blame it on my chronic sickness). One of my goals for this year is to be healthier. That should translate to writing regularly and not owing the Writing Wednesday Pot. Also I plan on writing an additional post at least a few times a month not on Writing Wednesday.

For 2013 I decided to take it back to the Old School for my New Year's Eve celebration. Instead of partying it up I went to Watch Night Service at church. A watch night service is a late-night Christian Church service held on New Year's Eve. Watch night service is especially important to the black community because many slaves were said to have gathered in churches on New Year's Eve,in 1862 to await the Emancipation Proclamation being enacted on Jan. 1, 1863.