Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Chronicles of Life … the non-benchwarmer

Allow me to formerly introduce someone to you. You’ve seen him before at a number of sporting events.
He is the teammate that pass was intended for on the football field; the outfielder who was supposed to catch that stray baseball; or the player who everyone thought had the basketball rebound.
Still don’t know who he is?
It’s none other than Jeff, the imaginary teammate everyone loves to bring into the game.
I got to witness Jeff first hand at several sporting events a few weeks ago: two basketball and one hockey game.
Yep, Jeff is multitalented and plays all sports.
But he has really been in the spotlight during March Madness.
In case you didn’t know, Jeff blows games. Big time!
Sure you might have a 10 point lead. But you can forget it once Jeff comes off the bench.
He does not catch passes, block goals or go in for the rebound. Jeff has even been known to drop a few batons in relay races.
Does no one pay attention to Jeff’s stats for each game? He has none.
Jeff officially is the world’s worst teammate. Yet he’s on every team.
I don’t know why teams keep recruiting Jeff. Maybe it’s because he has this good camaraderie with all the teammates.
I think Jeff keeps telling everyone he’s in it to win it. Team members want to trust each other, so they give Jeff chance after chance.
He must keep saying he’ll redeem himself next game, and in he goes.
Jeff is a habitual liar, apparently.
He may be cool and all after the game, but the point is to win. National championships are on the line here.
I don’t mind seeing Jeff play with the young’uns during rec department games. That is the age when it’s all about the joys of the game and learning the fundamentals of whatever sport.
But Jeff has to leave the team once high school starts.
Maybe Jeff can take on a different, less important team role. I think Jeff the imaginary team mascot has a nice ring to it.
I know people want to protect their teammates. But hear me out.
Jeff needs to go!
Side note: I don’t know who is worse; Jeff, the imaginary teammate, or a star player’s evil twin.
I have seen Jim Tebow stand in for Tim during games. And Rick Calathes has blown some for Nick.
Round them all up, evil twins and Jeff, and keep them on the bench.

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