Monday, January 12, 2009

Chronicles of Life... I speak fish

Fish play an important role in our society.
They’re entertainment, decoration, pets and food.
However, who among us really understands fish?
This is where my services come into play. I am a fish whisperer.
Don’t laugh! It’s a real profession (at least in my mind).
I have decided to abandon my dreams of solely writing for this higher calling.
Seriously, there are books and even a movie on horse whisperers and a television show about a dog one.
It is now time for fish to stand up, I mean swim up, and be accounted for. I am the voice of the fish!
Ralphie is my inspiration for taking on this daunting task.
One day, I was laying in my bed all jumpy and anxious about life.
I started watching him swim back and forth from left to right, up and down. Occasionally, he would stop to roll around in his rocks, but his routine didn’t change too much.
I eventually calmed down from just watching the little guy.
Oh how simplistic a fish’s life must be. Never a care or want in the world.
Or so we think.
Ralphie indeed has needs, wants and dreams.
He needs food and his water regularly changed. He wants bigger rocks over those small ones Pet Smart tried him with. And he dreams of being a shark.
How do I know? I’m a fish whisperer, duh!
I have extensively studied fish the last few years (meaning I have owned two betta fish and actually kept them alive longer than a day). I’m practically an authority figure.
Therefore, I am going to march myself up to the Georgia Aquarium (after I drive there first) and present the officials with my fish whisperer card. That’s how much faith I have in my talents.
The aquarium officials will not bust out laughing, unlike those of you who are reading this. Instead, they will immediately request my services to deal with some troubled beluga whales.
I’ll make the front page of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution for single-handedly soothing a sad manta ray.
Then I’ll start writing the “Chronicles of a Fish Whisperer” based on my numerous experiences.
Soon Animal Planet will come knocking, and my very own show, “Chronicles of a Fish Whisperer,” will air every week.
Finally, Hollywood will be ready for the movie, also called “Chronicles of a Fish Whisperer.”
The possibilities are endless...
But just in case all that doesn’t pan out, I’ll keep my day job and fish whisper to good ole Ralphie.
At least I know he listens.

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