Saturday, January 3, 2009

The Inaugural Do Better Awards

“Do better” has become one of my favorite quotes.
Hang around me long enough and you will hear it no less than 10 times.
I have lost count of how much I’ve said it this year. However, there are some incidents that stick out in my mind.
Some I wrote a chronicle about. Others I probably should have.
Therefore, I present to you the Inaugural Do Better Awards. People have just got to do better.
The categories and nominees are:

1.People that annoy me
My landlords. They are still holding my October rent check. It’s Dec. 31. Can we cash it already? And don’t even get me started on December rent.
An upset mother. The woman complained about me not publishing all the photos I took at an event. Sorry, but no one wants to see the 49 bad pictures I took when they can just see one really good photo.
An older woman. She chastises me (or will even hit me) every time I say yes ma’am. Chick is pushing at least 55. She even asked me if I say yes ma’am to other people. No duh!
And the Do Better Award for people that annoy me goes to: An older woman. My parents taught me respect. It’s not my fault you don’t want to own up to your age. Let me say my ma’ams in peace.

2.Things that limit my mortality
Parades. Get hit by enough pieces of hard candy and you will sustain a concussion.
Deer. They’re everywhere, especially on these back roads.
My driving. Why did the Florida DMV give me a license? I could seriously hurt someone, namely me.
And the Do Better Award for things that limit my mortality goes to deer.
Bambi and crew do not look both ways before running into the street. My slow reaction to bad driving situations could bring about a huge collision with Bambi.

3.Ignorant Obama comments
Ex-Longhorn player. A University of Texas football player places these words on his Facebook status after Obama won the election “all the hunters gather up, we have a #$%&er in the Whitehouse.” He has been dismissed from the team.
Toby Keith. Keith said on the Glen Beck show July 30 “I think the black people would say he [Obama] don’t talk, act or carry himself as a black person.”
“What does that even mean?” Beck said.
“Well, I don’t know what that means,” Keith said, “but I think that that’s what they would say. ...”
Jesse Jackson. Before an interview on “Fox & Friends,” Jackson whispered to someone that Obama was “talking down to black people” and he wanted to “cut his nuts off.”
And the Do Better Award for ignorant Obama comments go to Toby Keith. If you’re going to make an ignorant statement at least know what you mean. “I don’t know” does not cut it.

4.People I’ve added as Facebook friends
My mother. Why is Ma Dukes on Facebook? My brother stopped getting on for that very reason.
High schoolers. I haven’t been in high school for more than six years. Yet I have at least a good 20 as friends.
Random people. I know 90 percent of my more than 1,000 friends on Facebook. There is that 10 percent that equals the unknown.
And the Do Better Award for people I’ve added as Facebook friends goes to all the random people. If we have no connection to each other –i.e. same schools, organization, career or even a blog reader/writer – why are we friends? Just because you want to increase your friends is not good enough.

5.Inappropriate family related behavior.
My nasty little cousin. She visited briefly this summer and had the nerve to take nude photos of herself on my phone in my bathroom and send them to people. I mean at 14 I was still playing with dolls.
The Ishmaels. They are my late grandmother’s family. We used to be close, but they turned their backs on my mom and me when my Granny was at her worse. My association with the Ishmaels died the same day as my grandmother.
My uncle. Everyone seems to be scared of him. He’s gruff, tough and rough with the verbal assault. But I know how to set people straight and keep it moving.
And the Do Better Award for inappropriate family related behavior goes to my nasty little cousin. She disrespected my phone, my house, me, our family name and above all herself. Plus the girl had the nerve to tell my brother she wants to fight me. Now I ain’t prejudice, I’ll drop kick a minor.

6.Annoying things in the music industry
Autotune. It’s everywhere. First T-Pain, now Kanye. Who’s got next?
The phrase “It ain’t tricking if you got it.” I hear it no less than 20 times when I turn on the radio.
T-Pain or R. Kelly being on every remix. Actually T-Pain makes it on every original too. Can we get some new voices on the radio?
And the Do Better Award for annoying things in the music industry goes to T-Pain/R. Kelly. T-Pain was cool at first, but now I’m ready to shoot myself every time I hear him. And really R. Kelly, did you have to be on the “If I were a boy remix”?

7.Improper meeting behavior.
Phones going off. A state representative was in the middle of speaking when a cell phone playing “I can’t believe it” went off. Who knew an older white male would be a T-Pain fan enough to get his ringtone.
Disrespectful public attitude. Coming to complain about a project and being completely rude does not get your point across effectively.
Not following specific rules of order. Robert’s Rules of Order do not exist at manyl meetings. The rules exist for a purpose.
And the Do Better Award for improper meeting behavior goes to disrespectful public attitude. When given the opportunity to comment, one wants respect. Make sure you give it too.

8. People that need to be set straight.
Children’s Place employee. The employee told my friend she was a weak black woman because her hair wasn’t natural. Neither was her own.
Another woman. She asked me if I rolled my neck. Why would I?
Lost man. My brother and a friend thought they were about to be victims of a drive by. Turns out the man just wanted directions. But he had the nerve to call them some little @*&#!. He promptly got the wrong directions.
And the do better award for people that need to be set straight goes to another woman. Knowledge is power. All black people don’t roll their necks, pop their gum and do the two snaps and a twists.

9. Unacceptable behavior
My neighbor’s “transition.” Dude left notes on my car trying to talk to me. Did I mention his girlfriend, or transition as he put it, lived next door. Can we say triflin’?
Two last people. Why is one trying to play match maker for the other? Both are two old for the elementary foolishness.
Wal-Mart Man. The man was no less than 50-years-old. I just can’t be bothered!
And the Do Better Award for unacceptable behavior goes to the transition. The two badly written notes are priceless.

10.Club behavior
Handicap man. A man rolled into the middle of the dance floor in a wheelchair. Next thing I know, he’s folded it up in the side and is getting grinded on by some chick. Fraud!
Old men. When you get to be a certain age you should not want to party with 20-year-olds. Apparently, these men never learned that.
Hair flinging chick. This one girl just kept flinging her hair on my friend during a concert. How can you not know that’s happening?
And the Do Better Award for club behavior goes to the old men. No I do not want to dance with my granddaddy. It’s even worse when he’s right behind me staring at my assets.

11.Perpetuating the color complex
Yung Berg. During an interview he said “I’m kinda racist…I don’t like dark butts…You know how some women prefer light skin men or dark skin men. “It’s rare that I do dark butts – that’s what I call dark skinned women…I [don’t date women] darker than me.”
Ne-yo. On a radio show he joked with a white interviewer about the two of them dating and procreating by saying “All the prettiest kids is light skinned anyway, normally.” Has Ne-yo noticed he’s not that light himself?
Palow Da Don. In an interview with stated, “black women need to get their s**t together, period, point black. And if you’re in denial of that, you are part of the problem.” Actually everyone could do better, not just black women.
And the Do Better Award for perpetuating the color complex goes to Yung Berg. Do I even need to give an explanation for this one? I can understand you having a preference but don’t try to belittle those that don’t fit it. Especially when it applies to your own mother.

12. Person of the Year.
There were many contenders for this category, but only one could be chosen. The honoree is the epitome of “Do better” Yes, the Do Better Award for person of the year goes to Antonia J. Robinson.
I would be remiss if I did not give the award to myself. I call out so many others, but I also know when I need to point the “do better” finger at myself. Otherwise it would be the pot calling the kettle black.
Now time for the acceptance speech.
“Wow, I am so shocked and honored to get this award. It is a real wake up call about the type of person I am and need to be.
“Sometimes the main person that needs to do better is yourself. That’s my goal for 2009.
“So thank you, God bless and do better!”

*People’s Choice Award*
Sometimes there are only two words that can apply to a situation. Who will your Do better award go to?

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