Lately the weather has done its share of letting me know it's getting close to that special time of year again – summertime! With the arrival of this new season comes vacations, reunions and summer lovin’ – that oh so magical thing the kids sing about in “Grease.” Summer is all about the love, whether you’re single and free to mingle or happily together with someone. No one wants to be left out the fun and “uh-oh those summer nights.” My grandma thinks it’s high time I got a male friend. She wants to see me married. So I figured now is the perfect time to jump on the summer lovin' bandwagon. But it’s going to take some help from all my family and friends. I have prepared a special announcement for all to share: Attention single males between the ages of 27-37! Toni is now accepting applications for a summertime beau. Inquire within.
Do your part everyone and spread the word. All are welcome to apply. Just make sure they fit my three mandatory requirements. The other week I shared mine with my grandma, and she approved. I’d like to think I’m a simple girl for the most part. I’ll gladly work with a brother to an extent. Sure I have my massive list of pre-qualifications. But I don’t cross (that many) people off just because they put down something other than my preferred response. However, I believe everyone is entitled to their top three deal breakers. So for me, any summertime beau applicant must: love the Lord; have straight, white teeth; and be able to conjugate verbs.
Each day I am working to strengthen my relationship with God. I can’t get sidetracked by someone who thinks my relationship is unimportant. Besides, I once dated a guy who thought he was coming back as a cat. That didn’t last long. I thought his religious beliefs were stupid. Of all the things to come back as, he wanted to be a cat. I would at least want to come back as someone rich and fabulous.
Everyone wasn’t born with perfect teeth. I understand that. But it’s a major problem if my mouth hurts whenever I look at yours. Most braces are fairly affordable. At the very least if you’re going to have cooked teeth, make sure they’re pearly white. Toothpaste and baking soda work wonders if used three times a daily.
My grandma burst out laughing when I mentioned I want someone who can conjugate verbs. I’m not sure why she did. I was serious. Bad grammar just irks me. I’m not asking for a Harvard English professor. But anyone with the grammar of a 2-year-old need not apply (and some of them can conjugate verbs better than some adults).
Remember when suggesting applicants for my summer love; make sure they fit these requirements. Otherwise they will get a big red REJECT on their forehead, and Grandma will have to continue to wait on a grandson-in-law.