The Chief Usher

I need to get my usher outfit right!

Saints and ain’ts I almost joined the church usher board because I thought it would help me reach my latest career goal – White House chief usher. This position was just calling to me. Obviously church would be the best practice spot.

badonk-a-donk blues

Too much booty in the pants has never been a problem for me. Somehow I managed to inherit big boobs and wide hips from my family. But not the bouncy butt everyone else seems to have. My butt is wide and flat as a pancake. You can’t bounce a penny or anything else off of it. And of course family members and friends love to let me know about my butt or lack thereof just in case I thought for a second I was bootylicious.

Remember when

I used to post on this blog. Unfortunately, not on a regularly basis. I am not making anymore promises about doing better, because they are lies. I will say I am going to write more in my journal, on this blog, for the media. More could very well be just once more this year, once a month or once a week. We shall see.

Another PK rant

The PK struggle is real. I thought it got a little bit better once you're older, but folks keep doing things to irk me. Perhaps the problem is I don't call them out on it. I need to stop being passive and let them know how I feel. The main reason I don't really say anything when a person tries me is because I know I'm easily irritated and petty. It is my responsibility as a person with Irritable Personality Syndrome to not go off all the time. Honestly some of the things people say are jokes meant with no malice. But 30 plus years of the same bad jokes makes the hidden dragon come out.

I luh God but not today's gospel music

It's officially! I'm old. I was led to this conclusion after hearing "I luh God" by Erica Campbell for the first time. Actually in full disclosure, I did listen to the first 10 seconds a few months ago. I couldn't take it. Today I watched most of the music video. I hate the song. Like literally hate it. I remember joking with my friends a few weeks ago that Jesus did not die and rise again for us to sound like we're in the trap.

mortality fears

It's bad enough that I'm overly sensitive. Hearing that a close family member is sick just pushes me to the deep end. Next thing you know I'm sobbing all over the place.

oh the critics

Oh the critics. Where would we be without them? Happier perhaps? No one likes to hear negative criticism, especially me. It puts you on the defensive, makes you second guess yourself and just all around sucks. But such is the case when you publish something for others to see.

one year later

It's been one year since my grandma passed away. I still remember the last words we spoke to each other. Thankfully words of love. And I can't forget how she looked the last time I saw her face.

hey readers, hey

Remember how I was supposed to update regularly? Clearly I am the queen of  not posting. Did I even post in February? Let the records reflect I did NOT post. Shame on me. I owe you so much more than I am giving. Let me do better ASAP!

Habit recap

Last month's return to NABLOPOMO was a massive fail on one hand. I totally missed a week's worth of posts! It was my napping habit that got in the way. I take naps during the time most people just go to bed. 

However it did somewhat get me back into the habit of blogging. That's a good thing. I won't be posting every single day, but I will make an effort to post a few times a week. Yes, that's a lofty goal considering I didn't even post once a week for most of last year.

Fast chewing habit

I chew my food way too quickly. I practically inhale a plate within 10 seconds of it placed in front of me. I'm not sure when chewing so fast became a habit, but it is one I intend to break.

 I remember an episode of "I love Lucy"said you should chew your food 30 plus times before swallowing. Making it to 20 is greatly pushing it for me.  Clearly this is why I'm thicker than a snicker. I eat my food so fast until my body doesn't realize it's in there.

I keep saying I'm going to start eating slowly, but as soon as a plate is set in front if me I completely forget. I'm not much better with drinks either be it water and juice or wine and liquor. I slurp a cup down in 10 seconds or less.

Skipping habit

Apparently skipping posts my new habit. And I was doing so well. I wish I could say I had a super cool reason for not posting. I don't. I blame it on forgetfulness in my old age (30 is the new 60). And naps. I've been taking lots of naps. But that's a post for another day.

Repeat song habit

When I like a song I really, really like it. So much until I will repeat it over and over nonstop. I have driven for 30 minutes before listening to the same song on repeat. Usually I try to limit replays to three times. But there are times it increases. Here are a few songs I love to repeat:

Encore by Cheryl Lynn

7/11 by Beyoncé

Latch by Disclosure ft. Sam Smith

Rather Be by Clean Bandit ft. Jess Glynne

Get Lucky by Daft Punk ft. Pharrell

Happy by Pharrell

The One by Tamar Braxton

I Feel Good by Mary J. Blige

Safe and Sound by Capital Cities

Diary by Alicia Keys

Bad driving habit

Yours truly never took the road test in driver's ed. Yet somehow the state of Florida gave me a license. Needless to say I suck at driving. It is really a bad habit. Sometimes I worry my self with my driving. This is why I am at home on a rainy Friday night. My bad driving plus rain does not mix. Actually I drive better in bad conditions. But it stresses me out. I need to practice my driving because it's so bad. I wonder if there is a range available for adults?

phone breaking habit

I missed another day! Egads!

Phones are not my friends. I just cannot keep a phone for longer than six months at a time. It seems like my favorite habit is to break my phone. I thought an iPhone would make me change my ways. No such luck. Right now I'm walking around with a struggle phone. The screen is so cracked I can barely see on it. Dropping my phone is the main culprit of how I break it. Clearly I need an Otterbox.

sad habit

I am sad. The cruise has ended, and it's back to the regularly scheduled program. I don't remember how to work.

Plus I'm sad to be leaving after spending so much time with my bestie. She lives in another city, so we have a long distance relationship. Come to think of it, the majority of my friends live elsewhere.

I'm sure it's somewhat a habit for other people to feel sad and melancholy when leaving from an awesome vacation and separating from someone they love.

At least I have lots of pictures to remind me of this great time.

fun habit

the cruise life brings out one of my favorite habits - having fun. notice how i've got my e e cummings swag going on right now. no punctuation today. just fun.

in case you're wondering what fun i've experience - karaoke, dance parties, eating (that's fun to me lol), sight seeing,  reading (another thing fun for me), spending time with friends and much, much more.

i could go on and on about the fun i'm having, but it's never nice to rub things in. so i shall spare you landlubbers the details. also if i keep writing i'll miss out on more FUN!

cruise eating habit

Remember how I was starting the habit of eating healthy? Yeah that went out the window the moment I stepped foot on this cruise. I have been eating everything in sight. It's like my stomach has become a bottomless pit for all this food. And everything is just so good. I don't think I've tasted one bad dish yet. It's like food, glorious food! I tell everyone that a cruise is a fat girl's dream. I will go back to my healthy eating when I return to dry land. As long as the seas have me, I'm going to eat.

hair habit

Each day of this cruise I have two different hair styles planned out. Some people plan their fashion. I plan my hair. Clearly styling hair (particularly mine) is a habit for me. I love a meme that says something to the extent of "Of course I can do your hair. I went to Youtube University and interned at Pinterest." That sums me up to a tee. I love, love, love my hair. I credit being natural for this intense interest. I didn't care a flip about my hair when it was relaxed. My instagram will soon be flooded with pictures showing my hair habit.

Exercise habit

I am proud to say I am exercising on this cruise. Exercising has become a habit for me this new year and I am not about to lose the momentum I've finally gained. Plus it helps keep all the weight down I would probably gain from all this eating on the cruise. This post is short and sweet, because I have a lot going on at the moment - mainly enjoying this cruise! I promise to write more soon.