Wednesday, June 19, 2013

The problem with preschoolers

Preschoolers = the Kindergarteners from Recess.
 It takes a special person to teach children, especially preschoolers. That person is NOT me.

I was recruited to assist with the preschool class at Vacation Bible School last week. I work with the youth ministry at church and even help out in Sunday School with the primary class when needed. A Vacation Bible School class would be easy. Or so I thought.

No one told me it was with preschoolers beforehand, because I would have definitely said no. There is something about preschoolers that disturbs me greatly. Simply put, they scare me. They sense fear like a dog. The first day of class I encountered a scene straight from “Lord of the Flies.” Like a pack of savages, the tribe of preschoolers set fire to the room while screaming a war cry and began a manhunt for all who would stand in their way. OK maybe I am exaggerating, but I do recall them being really loud.

Quickly I learned preschoolers have no filter. I wore a cardigan one day and was asked if there was hair under my arms. The audacity of those fiends! And no I shave for the record. By Day 2 it was apparent preschoolers just cry for no reason. Another little girl cried every single day! The teacher kept trying to comfort her. I didn’t. My maternal instincts haven’t kicked in yet, and after one time of asking what’s wrong I was done.

Did I mention they can’t seem to understand simple game concepts? Kickball is bound to end with someone getting injured. Hot Potato will resemble cold potato. And Duck, Duck, Goose will lead to a fight about someone taking your seat. Don’t even get me started on how they can’t read, write numbers or even spell their own name. And then they tattle about every little thing. What happened to snitches get stitches? Everyone is a tattler, particularly regarding irrelevant facts. I don’t care if little Johnny wants to color the people orange in his picture. It’s HIS picture.

Between all of the above and having to open countless juice boxes and cookie packages covered in someone else’s slobber I was a mess. Let me just say I was glad when VBS ended.

My hat goes off to anyone who teaches preschoolers regularly. I couldn’t teach that group without first becoming a stone cold drunk. Next year I’m hiding out from VBS.

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