Wednesday, March 2, 2011

bad seeds

Little people should be seen and not heard. At least that’s what my granny used to tell me as a child. That saying didn’t mean too much to me as a child. Actually it was somewhat of an insult. I had a voice and was definitely going to use it. But I’m starting to better understand just what she meant by that very phrase. Quite a few parents of today need to take that statement to heart. Frame it on their wall. Put it in their wallet. Make it a personal family mantra. Actually I’m starting to feel little people shouldn’t be seen or heard.
More and more children have gone wild, and it’s driving me crazy. I wish it drove the parents crazy too. Then maybe they would do something about it. Head to the grocery story during the day and you’ll hear little Johnny throwing a tantrum because Mommy won’t buy a box of some sugary cereal. Like he needed it anyway. Little Johnny is already a demon spawn. That cereal would just make him 10 times worse. Go to a special event and have the (dis)pleasure of sitting in front of or next to a child. Little Becky will probably kick your seat non-stop and give you the evil eye when you confront her. Or she’ll just walk randomly over to your seat 10 feet from her parents. If you’re me you’ll ask ever so loudly, “Whose child is this? Where is your mother?”
My personal favorite sighting for children gone wild is church. If you want to mess up a person’s worship experience quicker than the devil, just bring some bad seeds into the mix. Little Lulu will whine and cry all during the service if she can’t get a church fan. Then Rosemary’s baby will proceed to shred it up on the pew while Mommy just ignores it. Then she’ll have the audacity to not share her snacks. I can’t stand it. I told my mother churches need to institute a cage system for children. Drop your child off at a designated spot, and little Lulu will be placed in her own personal kennel. Each kennel will have snacks, water and toys to entertain the child. You and everyone else that knows how to make their children behave can enjoy service in peace. A cage supervisor will be on hand to ensure your child is returned to you by the end of service. My mother said I would have everyone in jail (at least we’d be away from bad children).
I just don’t like bad children. They make me itch and then I have to sit on my hands before I snatch them up and show them what my granddaddy used to call “The Rod of Correction.” Even more so I don’t like bad parenting. Ignoring a child’s bad behavior is not going to make it stop. Do something with your child before I do.
Now I must confess I wasn’t the best little child growing up. There are some, namely my mother, who will allege I used to spit on people or tell them to shut up. Supposedly I even caused a Bible to go flying in the air during Bible Study. I don’t recall those times at all. Bad as I was, my mother was badder (yeah I know it’s not a word). She believed in discipline (read spankings). Lots and lots of discipline. Five times a day. As a result I grew out of my evil child ways.
I shudder to think about what will happen to the ones of today that receive no discipline. It doesn’t have to be a spanking. Send them to time out. Take a privilege away. Do something. Just rectify the bad behavior before it gets out of hand. Or they might have to face me. I’m not prejudice. I will fight a child. Child gone wild today. Girls Gone Wild tomorrow.

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