Sunday, March 20, 2011

case not closed

In a perfect world there would always be closure for a situation. That ex would explain exactly why he dumped you. Your favorite TV series would have an official ending. The bully from middle school would apologize. Unfortunately we live in a world of perfect imperfections. Those fairy tale examples of getting that closure we desire often never occur. Sometimes you have to let go of that pipe dream of perfectly closing the case of emotions spurred by a particular experience. We don’t always get the closure we want.

One of my tragic character flows is holding grudges. I’ve let go most of them, but every now and then I get riled up about an old one that dates back to middle school. I wrote about “The Grudge” in August and will spare rehashing the details. I’m still very bitter about everything that went down between me and she who shall not be named. It’s pretty sad considering that was more than 10 years ago (don’t judge me).

I just want closure. I would like to look back on that time and not feel any ill will toward her (or my crappy ex-boyfriend). One should not continue going through life hoping the people that have done you wrong stub their toe. I know that and you know that. Will someone please tell my head that too?

Perhaps if I really do want closure I have to get it myself. I see home girl every time I hit up my granny’s church. Part of me wants to go up to her and say something. Forget the apology on Oprah I use to want. I just want to hear out of her own mouth why she felt the need to pick on me. Sure I have an idea why (I was a nerd), but getting her to acknowledge it would do my heart a world of good for some reason. The problem is there is a good chance she doesn’t even remember me. That would probably make me even bitter. Ultimately I should just leave well enough alone and keep working to let it go. One day this case will be closed.


  1. I don't wanna sound preachy to you, but pray about it. One day at your Granny's church, she'll come up to you out of the blue and start kicking it with you. That's what I'm doing. I long to smooth out old differences with people. And most of that came from being in a singing group. If you've seen The Five Heartbeats or The Temptations movie, then you can understand what I'm talking about. We bickered over who used all the S-Curl, over leaving for another group or attempting to go solo. All types of stupid sh*t. And the thing is, all this happened while we were teenagers. Anyway, I too have a problem with holding a grudge, and I don't care who it's against. But I'm working on it. Right now I'm holding a grudge against myself for starting two sentences with "and" and another with "but".

    Chappy <-----------------grammar nazi

  2. Preach on preacher. Pa Dukes said the same thing. I wonder how much better my life would be if I actually prayed about everything (social experiment to follow).

    And there is nothing wrong with starting a sentence with "and" or "but." Granted grammar class taught otherwise. It's OK in moderation according to j-school rules.