Thursday, November 15, 2012

Coming soon: New American

For voters who've considered suicide when the election is too much.
 It looks like the South wants to rise again (because we all know how well that turned out the last time). There could be a “New America” in the future. The other day I was talking to my Play Cousin about the people that want to secede from the U.S. Residents across the nation have signed petitions requesting that their state – mainly Louisiana, Alabama, Tennessee, Georgia, Texas and yes even my Florida – be allowed to peacefully secede from the country because of the presidential election. PC and I can find foolishness to talk about even with the most serious of topics (much like Cee and I did during election night). We began to ponder many things if the people were allowed to secede.

First and foremost, what if your whole state doesn’t want to secede? Or what if you don't want to? Does that mean you have to move out? Who’s going to move me? I don’t have that much stuff, but moving is my LEAST favorite activity. And I don’t want to just live any and every where either. They’re going to have to move me to prime real estate.

Would the seceding states all join together to form a nation called New America or be their own individual republics? I’m almost certain Spanish would be the national language of the Republic of Florida. No one speaks English after Northeast Florida. Actually Northeast Florida could just join Georgia. It’s practically the same place.

How is this going to fly with the rest of the world? Is China going to trade with New America? Would I need a passport to visit? What happens if some other country attacks somewhere in New America? You know Cuba is coming for the Republic of Florida. They definitely are not going to have that strong of a military force in place initially. Is Old America going to have to help fight for them?

I wonder if any politicians have signed the petition. I’m positive they haven’t. They are not about to leave a guaranteed paycheck from an established government to play, “Let’s build a new nation.” And what’s going to be the currency in New America? Can I just use Old America dollars? They take American money in the Bahamas, and so should New America.

Thinking about all of this is making my head hurt. The people who want to secede should follow the example of the mostly freed slaves who left America to form Liberia in 1820. Go move somewhere else if you don’t want to be here. I think there’s some land available in Antarctica. My bestie says they’ll have to do a lot to make it habitable, but such is a small price to pay for freedom from Old America.


  1. This caption RIGHT HERE "For voters who've considered suicide when the election is too much." Pure poetry! Thanks for the laugh.